In Light of the Dark 🌟

Dear Reader, 

There's something in the air... 

The scent of rain permeates the lingering smells of China Town's wondrous cuisine 🍜

I hear the familiar sprinkles tapping on the roof... 💧 

The water has come to cleanse, once again, after my few weeks of healing in Vietnam and a vibrant storm in Cambodia. Grounding. Elevating. 

The soft touch of the droplets landing on my skin takes me back to the realm of Shadows and Strangers 🖤

As the rain eases I hear the sounds of the streets around me, the glorious chaos of scooters, stalls, forever instilling an image of bright familiarity 🛵

My little rooftop spot 🪷

I miss the roughness of Cambodia's roads, the 5 person motorbikes and intriguing characters. 

Angkor Wat, with it's deep spiritual power, was a pleasure to witness with the lovely Victoria from Kactus. Temples combined with trees. Spirits combined with dreams. 

Of course the same Swedish girl, Amanda, who road with me from HCMC to Phnom Penh was on my sunrise tour ☀️

Of course the lady, Glene, on my bus to Siem Reap also just happened to pass by when I was leaving Cambodia... Another big hug 🤗 

Yes. 

The interconnectivity is powerful. 

Arriving in Bangkok, after a longer journey than expected, and meeting a client with whom I've worked for 18 months, restored in me a sense of purpose to a role that is often challenging 🌟

This week, speaking for hours in Spanish without realising I haven't spoken in English all day... Thank you to my Chilean amiga, Tere 

 

Planning trips to Laos to see the lovely Gina 🩷

All the special connections I have made the last few months 💓

All the little pieces falling into place so that I can continue my journey 🐾 

As I witness the storm cloud, lingering on the horizon, aware of the ominous presence within, I am reminded by a wise person that it is a cycle within which we find ourselves ☁️ 

The roots are firm

My time in this part of the world seems to be drawing to a close. For some weeks at least. And I have no idea to when or where I will return. 

As I lose myself in the music on my mat, I feel the waves hit me, I feel the sun hold me, the strength of the world in my veins 🪷 

I reflect. 

And you Dear Reader, thank you for helping me embark on this journey... Stay tuned for what is to come 🫶

Obscurity

✨Watching the waves wrestle the shore,

What strangeness unfolds to reach this moment.

The choice to learn anew,

A decision to delve further 

The dark and the light

Colours become more 

Too much temptation 

Surrender to the spectacle 

A dive into darkness 

So I delve deep 

I am lost

There is a haze of cloud in spite of the sun 

The feeling of something out of place 

A lingering sense of what is to come

As I step slowly towards the future  

The gaze of a strange shadow penetrates

I wonder now, having seen the many faces of the shadow man, the warrior and stranger

What was the hand they played?

And was it that hand which held me 

When the body left me to drown?

The sights are lava and frost 

Supreme softness brings a welcome thrill

Settled by nature once again 

All colours, so bright

And then it is black.

The blanket of obscurity foreshadows what is to come.

My eyes sting

As I feel the change of energy 

I am glad of the pain 

Whilst I seek meaning in the shade of reason 

In the ascent I am supported, eager for the surface

Though it is no longer there

The shadows have reached us- all is black

In my blindness I do not notice the change in air

We make it aboard and the journey is rough

A weary smile, nervous laugh is all we share 

As we shelter on the floor.

It is not enough 

Deep down, I have already seen it

The lurches leftward are not the worst 

It is coming 

As I hear the shout from the front I know how this ends

And time stops 

And time speeds up

The fall is so slow as the mind stretches 

I do not feel the impact of my limp body hitting the side

The ocean takes me in one violent sweep.

The feeling of being crushed

I push upward for air, one second of respite 

And I am plunged downward

Then it hits me. 

I did not escape that night.

As the luminescence 

of the creatures beneath, 

does the moonlight continue

to shine past the shadows. ✨

Off the Grid

Hello Dear Reader ❤️

I write to you with a fuller heart again, this time from Siem Reap. 

Yes.

In this polluted and crazy Cambodia, with it's complex history and neverending intrigue, I found some golden treasure 🌟

Having a Bank Holiday weekend, longing for the sea and pining after my Little Slice of Heaven back in Indonesia, I decided that my 3 days should be spent on an island. This island was Koah Ta Kiev.

 

Sunset in paradise

When speaking to my unexpected friend last week, he mentioned that there's no WiFi, no fans... "But you will love it". 

Yes. 

There was in fact some barely functioning, intermittent WiFi. However I decided to disconnect. Why do I need to reply to all of my messages and emails right now? Why do I need to be reminded of personal and work tasks? Receive notifications from every site I ever visited or app I own? 

I'm on a freaking paradise island. 

Yes. 

I disconnected digitally. And reconnected spiritually.

There were no fans. It was very, very hot and I walked around with at least a kilogram of salt in my hair at any given time and within a perpetual state of sweat, but that just made me sparkle more under the sun's rays ☀️

I knew it would be good, because as we waited for our little boat to take us to the island, we met someone returning from there. His countenance was one of peace and appreciation. That was what I wanted. That is what I received. 

Pretty yoga shala 🪷

The island is bigger than Gili Air, my little Heaven, but with much less infrastructure. Despite there being some hikes and places to go, I gently oscillated between The Last Point, with its vast, sweeping beach that welcomed me (because we got on the wrong boat) and Kacktus, one of the best little hostels I have stayed in 🌵

View from the restaurant at Kactus

Once again, I believe good vibes attract good vibes. 

Yes. 

Whether the island just makes you a better version of yourself or maybe just manifests the nicest people, I found everyone that I met absolutely wonderful 😊 

There are many activities available, and I requested to schedule a macramé class, so for the first morning, me and another girl started to make some bracelets after our yoga class...

Then some more people joined. Then more...

Turns out macramé is a b**** and rather time-consuming, but this gave us the chance to have the best conversations 🫶

Credit to beautiful Nila for the photos 

And I just kept talking. And I wanted to. After the past few weeks of quasi-solitude and choosing to be predominantly "alone" amongst the crowds, I went to a remote island to disconnect, and connected with everyone around me 🪷 

Although I met many wonderful souls, I will have to give a shout out to the Macramé core group, who I felt became a little family for me. Even though it was just a couple of days together, they gave me so much 🥰 

🌈 Victoria, the peaceful flower of positivity, James, the wise observer who misses nothing, Julia, the bright star, twinkling away through the darkness and Nimo, the rainbows of smiles and kindness to brighten your day 🌈 

Absolute babes.

Shout out also to Nila, with a warm heart and calming aura 💗 

Lastly, a shout out to Ray and Andrew, the inspiring hippies. Ray is in fact starting her own podcast about digital nomads, of which I am the first guest 😍

This was a great place filled with great people. 

Add it to first place on your Cambodia must-visit itinerary, so long as you are prepared for going back to basics and ready to embrace nature 🌴 

I spent my last night connecting to the universe as we watched the sunset in the ocean, and danced ecstatically beneath the starts ✨

Although all I did was swim, practice yoga, and speak to people the entire weekend, my heart is full, my body relaxed and I felt completely refreshed as I returned on my tiny boat to the mainland.

PTSD 

It has given me perspective on what I want in life. Or maybe even what I need. 

Something more basic. Something near water. 

And you, Dear Reader, when is the last time you reflected on what you really want? Are you following the path of a former dream? 

✨ Let's take a minute to breathe. Check in with what's on that wishlist... Maybe you already have it... Or maybe it's time to go off the grid and think about what you really want ✨

Happy reflections 💧

Acceptance 💛

 Dear Reader,

For all you Death Note Fans 📓 🖋️ 

I come to you from a Vietnamese cafe in Phnom Penh. 

Yes. 

That darn egg coffee was calling me 🥚 ☕ 

After not feeling so well the past two days, I decided I should do something other than lie down and plonk myself in the pool at the hostel. Yes, hostels in South East Asia have freaking pools... And this one is great 👙 

Entire trailer on the back of a scooter

So by "doing something", I mean I sat in the back of a tuktuk, and am now sitting in front of my sexy drink... I will pause writing as I drink it, so I can savor the taste.

The fact that this isn't a world wide phenomenon is baffling to me. 

Okay so it's not as good outside of Vietnam... 

So yes, I accept that I was wrong about my initial feelings toward Vietnam, as I now miss it and appreciate it a lot more as a beautiful country, in hindsight 🇻🇳

I also accept that I am sick, for the second time this year. 

I hate being sick. 

I can't exercise how I want, I sweat doing basic postures in yoga and I don't enjoy the taste of food. It sucks. Everyone hates it. 

But I accept it. 

I accept that I am a human, and my body is giving me time to build up a resistance to something, which will protect me in the future 🫶 

How incredible, that the human body will just fight off the parasites, all by itself... Or sometimes with the help of drugs and a f*** ton of honey and lemon 😁

Foot mask to help relax 

Being in Cambodia is such an interesting experience. I feel myself observing people so much more than I have ever done. Secluded in my tuktuk, sitting outside for dinner watching the chaos on the main street... Passing the extreme poverty on the bus when I first arrived... And then being stunned by the number of Teslas in the capital. 

Yes, Cambodia has a lot happening. Including some extreme prostitution, right at my door step. 

Happily there are initiatives to help women out of these dire circumstances... Such as Daughters of Cambodia, which teach women crafts skills and sell the products... I bought some cute earrings as I was overwhelmed by how much the women are affected here. 

Ugly photo, but showcasing talent of very special women 🌸

I have unexpectedly met a couple of nice people in this strange city 💕 but overall, I have mostly kept to myself, observing and taking time to care for my body. SO MUCH FRUIT. 

Of course, something I do need to mention, is Choeng Ek Genocidal Centre. 

Those of you who know anything about Cambodia will know that just 40 years ago, there was a horrific civil war and genocidal regime, led by the Khmer Rouge. 

And those of you who know me well, know I could talk about historical politics for the rest of my life, but this is not what I want this blog to be. I will let you do your own research and form your own opinions 🪷 

What I will say, is that this memorial center is absolutely worth a visit. Its layout, commentary (most people get an audio guide or there's no real point to go), the exceptions and general takeaways are carefully considered and respectful. 

At one point the narrator says "we never thought it would happen here, but it did". 

The people here have accepted their dark path, but they will never forget. Nor should they. 

Obligatory bowl of comfort ice-cream 

Maybe this will make you think, Dear Reader... How close we are in some places in the world, and how much closer we are to this in other places, where the news isn't necessarily covering everything, where things seem fine. .. Just like they were here.

It's terrifying. But I accept that this happened and that this could happen anywhere and any point in time. 

✨Let us enjoy our lives, full of as much love and freedom as we choose to allow ourselves ✨

If we all live this way, there's not much room for hating each other 🤔