Fellow Wanderer: Core and Connections

 Hello Fellow Wanderer, 

We have not spoken for some time. For those of you who are new, Fellow Wanderer is an extension of, err "wisdom" I have collected during my escapades, which I feel could be interesting or useful for those who wish to travel more, or who are considering a nomadic life ⭐

Core and Connections will look at two types of relationships: those who are your "core", the people who you know, trust and love, those who are generally not with you on your travels. Then we have "connections", which encompasses the weird and wonder connections you encounter on your journeys- we will cover this more in a later article. 

Here's some background:

I grew up in the countryside as an only child (people who know me only a little, are now suddenly realising why I'm so extra). And no before you get the wrong idea, I didn't live in a mansion, eating from silver spoons and having epic house parties, it was not that sort of country living. 

No.

I was playing with imaginary friends and creating a whole world of stories, as it's very lonely life. 

Okay, you can put your violins away, my childhood was fine. In fact, what this quasi-solitude brought me is:

1. The ability to be alone without ever feeling scared or stressed

2. An innate and invaluable extroversion, despite being shy 

3. The drive to nurture every and all meaningful friendships in my life

I have a core group of friends who are absolutely necessary to my mental wellbeing, my ability to travel without having constant existential crises, and to be able to return to the UK or Ireland without feeling so dark a pit in my stomach. 

Now I'm lucky to have a lot of gems in my life- good people who "put up" with me and my endless bounds of energy, sporadic bursts of childlike humour and occasional slips from the "Yogini Path" when I lose my s**t at something that really does not require such a reaction. 

As I left home as soon as I had finished school, and never looked back, I knew I needed to put more effort into those relationships than the other party, because I am the one who left. I decided to leave this relationship and galavant around the world, so if I wanted someone to be there for a hug upon my return, I needed to make a darn good effort.

So here are my lessons:

1. Ensure you have 3-5 people back home who generally know where you are at all times ⭐

Okay people reading this who are part of my core, will be howling with laughter, as I typically tell only one person at most where I am, let alone where I plan to be... This is excluding the obvious safety aspect, where someone should always know where you are in case of the worst. 

Rather, this is for when you are feeling low or you crave some TLC, either because you're sick or maybe you haven't met anyone in a few days and you just miss basic human connection... 

Whatever it is, have some people who know where you are. Maybe they will pray for you, if you're into that, or they will let you know a lucky number to think about, or maybe even astral project to come and see you!? I dunno how cool your core is?!?!

This allows you to feel a connection with that person, even at a distance. 

2. Maintain regular contact with said core members ⭐

I have a very special person in my life. We have known each other for a very long time and we have been there for each other for many of life's challenges. 

During COVID, we ended up falling into a routine involving monthly wine and cheese nights over Skype, which would last 4-5 hours... To the point where people in my work even knew when we would be next speaking. 

This has extended (albeit slightly less often) during my travels. We always make time to speak. I don't need to make extra effort because I'm away, as the connection is so strong that we always remember to chat, and to share our stories. Even as I stop drinking and they stops eating cheese. 

Another core member, I speak to every day. The conversation hasn't stopped in 10 years, and is likely to never stop. They have a completely different approach to travel, but happily receive all my photos and stories, in turn for me listening to all their crazy philosophical rants on society. 

A third core member for me is someone with whom I speak at least weekly. Literally a "Happy Friday", which started in the respective states of misery in our former offices, where we both felt so awful that Friday and the promise of two days off, was the only respite to our constant mental suffering and feeling of oppression at the hands of senior management. 

We message every single Friday, without fail. This simple act allows us to maintain a close friendship whilst neither of us have lived on the same land mass for a decade, and where we don't see each other sometimes more than annually. 

There are some other members of my core, maybe they will also have a little synopsis going forward. 

The point is, this regular contact seems small and perhaps even unnecessary when you read it. But travel is not always this social train ride of constant friendships and bonds. 

The connections made abroad whilst travelling are very different. 

Having some people to whom you can always turn is so important for allowing you a sense of normality, a sense of belonging and purpose. 

Sometimes we are so stuck in our head, that we don't realise, someone on the other side of the world, living a totally different life, is feeling the exact same inadequacies, fears and pain as us. 

Your core has to be people who help you to grow. Whether that's offering advice, perking up your confidence, or allowing you to open your heart and share things which you have always been afraid to speak. 

People can truly surprise you in how they warmly receive your vulnerability. Allowing yourself this will help you so much when you travel. 

3. It starts with you⭐

You have to trust yourself, your gut and your "self love" (yes I know this is becoming all hippy dippy, but hear me out, we're nearly done here).

Once you have that, you extend this to those closest (metaphorically), your core...

And having these aspects, well they will allow you to embark on the best adventures, spark new friendships and grow your social life, whilst always knowing you have a strong foundation, and an even stronger core. 

And there we have it, Fellow Wanderer, my advice for maintaining a level of social competency as you tackle endless varieties of cultural differences, language barriers and conflicting ideologies, which all make up a huge part of the magical act of travelling and nomad-ing. 

Make the effort. It will pay off ✨